The perpetual need to be better

It is the actual root of the problem.

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Hi! It's been so long, right? Thank you for being so patient, honestly. I love you, really. Anyway, I am just here to tell you that you suck. Okay, hear me out. You suck and that is actually a great thing. Sounds like you want to punch my face, right? Initially, I felt the same when I had this thought and had an internal monologue happening but it only made sense when my sister said, "You gotta have those shitty experiences to be better. Not everything is going to be the way you want it to be" and at that moment it made so much sense. For a long time, I've had this outlook that you only become better by being good at something and I can certainly say I was an idiot trying to think like that. I am not saying it's completely wrong, of course, you do become better at something which you are already good at but I don't think you become better by being good at something; on the contrary, you become better at something you are shitty at; yet there is another factor involved here - confidence.

I believe having the confidence in the fact that you are shitty and the acceptance that you carry with it for that particular thing makes a huge difference. When I chose to become a designer and not a developer, I knew I was ready to go through the shitty experiences as a designer because I was confident enough that I can become a better designer, and I know it is the right choice because in my heart I know I am good at it but also the fact that I am a lot shittier than others and I am willing to change it. It's a long way I am ready to master.

I don't know if it makes any sense but I feel when you accept that you are bad/shitty at something and that you are willing to go through those shitty experiences again, make new mistakes, and learn from all of it, you have won the battle half already. When I started out as a designer, I was really bad at it. I genuinely sucked at it but slowly with "bad experiences and mistakes" I am becoming better. Until, yesterday I was re-reading one of my favorites - Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope. It has always been an eye-opener.

But what about the fact when you don't know if you'll get better at something or not? How do you cope with that? There are two factors, in my opinion, that decide if something is right for you -

1. Acceptance that you suck

2. Willingness to get better

Acceptance is very crucial irrespective of what you do; it's accepting the reality around you and moving on. The willingness comes really internally and is totally subjective; you can start by asking yourself questions such as - "do I want to get better at this?", "Will getting better at this benefit me in a way that fits my values/requirements?" and so on. The point is you have to accept that you suck at something, and decide accordingly if you want to get better at it or not. If yes, then bring it on. But if not, then let go.

We always strive to be better, don't we? The constant need to be better than your peers, than yourself and it is certainly not a bad thing but sometimes, just sometimes you have to accept that you are not going to be better at everything all the time. Never. Just never. Okay? It's a hard pill to swallow but it's an important one. I apologize for breaking your bubble, but it is what it is. You don't have to be better than others. You don't even have to be better than yourself sometimes, and that is okay!

You must slow down. If you are sucking at something, look at it as an opportunity. Maximize the f*ck out of your opportunities. How? There is no written way. Life works out. Breathe in. Let go. Refocus.

- Written by Vanshika Patil