Self-doubt is slow suicide

...of your dreams.

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For the past few days, I've been in a rut. I've been feeling antsy for an extended period of time because of certain decisions I took in my life. Amidst this foggy sense of anxiety, I came to a realization that it is not the decisions but the consequence of those decisions and the self-doubt that walked in with it is affecting me. I won't get into the details but here's the thing, self-doubt does kill more dreams than failures will. It is slow suicide. It would make you feel that you are not enough, that you are not doing enough, and an attached sense of guilt that starts growing on you until you fall into the dark pit of anxiety and self-sabotage.

Fun fact, the self-doubt is not even stemming from my own innate thoughts but rather from the thoughts constructed around the beliefs based on other people's opinions. Yes, I am aware that there is something known as reality, but being confident and having false beliefs are entirely two different things. What I am doing is the latter.

Does self-doubt kill more dreams than failures?

• Agreed!
• Nope!
• I don't quite know what you are talking about...

It is very natural to have these doubts, it is only human of us. It would be absurd if you don't get these thoughts but, you must also have enough faith in yourself that you can get through this. That is when you know your self-doubt may co-exist with your confidence, but it'll never overpower the faith you have in yourself. That is what changes the game. People will say don't do this or maybe even do certain things because it is only valid based on what they feel is right which again is not a problem; It becomes problematic if you are choosing to make certain decisions based on those opinions only because ethics do matter. Beliefs do matter.

Here's the thing about self-doubt –– the more you let it grow on you, the longer it sticks to you. It is like crop weed (not the drugs) to your dreams that'll only make you feel inferior. Thus, you need to learn weeding them out. You need to protect the crop –– your dream. Now I'm going to make this a little analogous to the actual process of weeding which is basically the process of removing unwanted or undesired plants.

There are three ways of weeding:

Hand Pulling

It refers to the process of removing the weed by hand. So in order to remove your self-doubt, the best way to portray hand pulling is literally writing your thoughts down, whatever they may be –– anger, agitation, sadness, anxiety –– just any emotion or thought attached to it. That thought/emotion is the unwanted plant. Get that energy out of your body.

Pre-emergent herbicides

This means you are preventing the growth of the weed by using herbicides. Here, you can think of activities to do when you get these emotions. Generally, it can be meditation, exercising, reading, painting, or just anything that doesn't cause more pain to you (avoid substance or stress eating or any sort of self-violent activities because it doesn't really work in the long run; that is just a catalyst to your self-doubt soup.)

Mulches

Mulches are simply a protective layer added on top of soil which can be of relevant material. Well, the best way to add mulch to your soil of hope is to be protective of your dreams. Keep it private till you know it's permanent. That's the protective layer. Never ever tell your goals or your decisions until you are very sure of it.

You can choose to be lazy and feed your self-doubt by being in the same environment or you can choose to be different. One simple decision can change so much for you. So breathe. Rewire. Put in the work. Evaluate. Reiterate. Your life will turn out to be what you choose to make out of it and not what others think of it. The comparison game will only take you in circles, running your own race will pave an entire map for you. And, if you don't trust yourself how do you expect others to?

I am not saying you will not mistakes. You will and you should and please forgive yourself for that but, also keep in mind that you are supposed to learn from those mistakes and rise above them; not letting them define you.

Enough philosophy for the day. :)

Take care and lots of support to you.

- Written by Vanshika Patil