Reflectin'

Life is a mirror.

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I just turned 22 a few days back, and yeah, life has been one hell of a ride lately. I will not bore you with it but as I've grown a year older, I was reading through my old journals and that left me in awe of how much I've grown. My point is that we all change slowly, negligible to the naked eye, but we do it for better or worse.

Therefore, I've decided to share teeny tiny non-embarrassing excerpts from my journals and provide an explanation of the entry made. Hope it helps you as you read it.

So here are a few excerpts from my journals ––

21st of December 2020

{ "Things will be fine. Focus on your energy."}

Explanation - It must've been a bad day, and I would have felt some bizarre happening inside me and therefore focus on your energy. For some reason, I've always focused on my inner world, trying to change my energy field because I deeply believe that your inner energy mirrors how your outer world would be. It's a lifelong journey but it is an important one. The takeaway here is –– you've gotta focus on your inner self because that will guide your physical reality.

27th of May 2021 {"Stop living in the future. Write down what's happening right now and live in the present moment. Planning a few things is different and staying in the future is not something one should do. You are making yourself go through the pain twice. Don't do that, shit always works out. You know where you are going. Listen to your gut and things will work out. Focus on your exams, reporting, and other important duties for now. You have got time to figure out things."}

Explanation - Um, so I was in this phase (still am to a certain extent?) where I would plan and plan and plan, and I kid you not every single minute of my life and it became exhausting after a certain point. The moment I would wake up in the morning, my first thought wasn't how pleasant the weather is but rather like "Oh, I am supposed to submit the reports, mail the data" etc. You know what I mean. This became a little toxic for me, and I couldn't after a certain time. I had to give myself time to breathe. So, the key takeaway is –– give yourself the time to breathe. Stay in the present, because there is no other place you can be in.

25th of January 2022

{"It's okay to feel and not understand things in a moment. In these moments, just believe in yourself."}

Explanation - I am in general, very curious as an individual. From a young age, I've been encouraged to ask questions and while it's not a bad thing but when I don't get the answers, I am left with this giant mental hole unfilled so therefore it becomes bothersome. After a while, I came to realize I don't have to know everything and understand everything and all I can do is, let go of the control to be certain all the time. The point is –– it is okay to be uncertain, you just gotta have faith in yourself.

8th of March 2023

{"Lately, I've come to realize that there is only one person who is actually controlling my life, and that is me. And lately, I am doing it on a subconscious level rather than a conscious one. And I want to start doing it consciously. I want to program myself in a better way and I have faith that with time and effort, I would."}

Explanation - We do so many things on our own subconscious level like it's just embedded in our system. We don't tend to change it because it feels comfortable. I still do at times, but when you realize you can do better by being present, and by paying attention to your actual reality, change happens. Also, the only person who is controlling your life is you; so make something good out of it. The key point is –– you have the remote control. You choose if you want to keep swiping through the channels, connect, disconnect, or what.

Now, you may wonder what was the purpose behind all the self-embarrassment, how does it help me as a reader? Well, the point throughout this blog that I tried to make or still am is that you will always change and grow out of good/bad habits and situations and be a whole new person, the hard part is embracing that change.

I've had moments where even after improving my values, I would end up doing something awful which would generate self-hate and negativity, which is truly bizarre in its own sense. But as I look at it from a 22-year-old perspective, my 20-year-old version was going through something important so that she could become the current me. Yeah, I spoke in the second person.

And you've got to fail, because if you don't then how would you taste the sweet success?

Well, that's enough for the day. Take care and much love to everyone reading my blog!

- Written by Vanshika Patil